4 things to do when you feel like 'no-one sees you'.
“I see you
Even though you feel like no-one can”.
These are the opening words of my book. I chose these words with intention. Because sometimes we can feel like no one sees us.
Now while it may be through our own intentional actions. For example, we can withdraw, try to blend in, to disappear so that no-one notices our current emotional path, often it is more about either feeling lonely, or just disappointed that no-one is noticing.
"No-one sees what I am going through"
If you are feeling invisible because you expected people to notice how you are feeling, or what you are going through, then feeling disappointed that they don’t appear to have noticed - it may simply be that you aren’t communicating your needs clearly enough or reaching out for help effectively.
Or .... maybe you are manipulating the way you are reaching out and in turn pushing people away.
Often this can be seen on social media. Some are inclined to put out a ‘real life’ video emotionally reacting to a circumstance or letting people know something negative that is happening, and that is totally fine to do. However, then checking over and over again how many likes and comments it gets and being disappointed if there aren’t many are you wished for - is counterproductive and contributes even more to the ‘not-seen’ feeling. I’ve actually heard people say ‘no-one cares about me because not many people ‘liked’ my post’ or ‘xyz didn’t comment so she doesn’t care about me at all’......or from the opposite side ‘abc is only seeking attention by putting that sort of post out in public’... While being real, putting your emotions and circumstances out there, to help others not feel alone is a great thing to do - using the ‘statistics’ as a way of determining who cares about you, is not.
Feeling lonely or that nobody likes you
If you feel ‘not-seen’ because you are simply feeling lonely or as if nobody likes you, there are things you can do to remedy this for yourself. Working on your mindset is key, and then implementing changes to your routine and circumstances will help maintain the turnaround.
In this age of technology, many would assume that feelings of loneliness would be much less, however, it can actually be heightened. Emotional torment, relational aggression, trolling, and the like are ways that people can be targeted with the end result leaving them feeling like they are all alone or that the ‘world is against them’.
I have been through relational aggression. Even though I have so many tools and techniques for mindset, I was left feeling as if I simply didn’t know who I could trust, like I had to mentally sift through everyone around me and figure out where it started and who had become involved, either intentionally or unknowingly. It was a very very lonely place to be. I’m an introvert anyway, and this completely drew the wind out of my wings. However, I found ways to start bringing positive energy back into my life, some kind people helped me fill in some blanks, and I found my way back to my happy space and beyond.
How can you move through these ‘no-one sees me’ feelings whether intentionally put there or not - and come to a place where you feel happier and healthier?
By working on your mindset and I have 4 steps to help you get started:
1. Cut the negative mind chatter.
When the negative thoughts come up have some positive gratitude thoughts at the ready to replace them with. Acknowledge the negative thoughts, and then immediately flick that mindset switch to think or speak through something you are grateful for. It may help to write a list of a few right now. Have them in your purse, on your fridge, or anywhere that you may need them.
You may be feeling like there is nothing you can be grateful for, however, there will be. This is a normal self-limiting belief and can be worked through. Grab a notepad and pen now and write the numbers 1 to 5. Set a timer for 1 minute and then write down what you are grateful for. Even if it is simply that you can sit and breathe fresh air deeply, that you had a great meal today, whatever you can find gratitude for - write it down!
2. Do some simple self-care.
When you are feeling lonely or alone the last thing you may want to do is self-care. But, this is the BEST thing to do during these times. I’m not talking bubble baths and cucumber eye masks (although if that’s all you can do right now just do it!) I’m talking about booking in an appointment with a health practitioner, going for a calming walk, meditating, eating a meal mindfully.
Whatever you can do - do it now, and have a list of self-care things you like to do handy for those lonely moments. Bonus points if you choose walking - and smile and say hello to people you cross paths with!
3. Reach out.
Sometimes when we feel alone we don’t want anyone to realise that we are feeling that way for fear they may laugh and belittle our emotions, when in reality it is quite the opposite and they will want to be there to help and support us. Sometimes we feel that reaching out to a public audience like social media is a great idea - and it can be as a wider selection of people then see and understand what is happening, but as I mentioned earlier if you then gauge their support by the number of likes and comments, this can be counterproductive. I’m talking here about reaching out to someone you know without a doubt, that will definitely listen and understand - or if you still don’t feel there is anyone start some new friendships/relationships to have a wider support system. Reach out to some groups of interest or re-start an old hobby, and make some new friendships that will help uplift you.
Side note: if a friend ever turns to you and says they are feeling invisible or lonely, don’t answer back with ‘but you’ve got so many people around you’, or ‘you have such a supportive family’....instead say something like ‘oh I would love to help you work through this, let’s talk it through'. Remember while they may have the biggest most supportive network, those thoughts of 'no-one sees me' are real and heavy.
There is nothing that lifts spirits more than giving back. Find an organisation in your community or online where you can help. It could be a food bank, a community club, a charity, a mother's group etc. Not only will you be helping those in need, but you will also be establishing new friendships and new thinking patterns for yourself - you will see there are others YOU can help, and in turn, they will help you feel less unseen.
Finally, for the women, maybe just like you that I was talking to in my book.
The ones who feel unseen, like they just don’t have it all together, that things just aren’t feeling like they are going well in their version of happy home, children, body, finances, career, business, marriage, support, friendships - whatever….. you are most definitely NOT unseen.
I see you.
Others feel just like you do.
Stop hiding it.
Stop pushing the feelings down inside preparing that emotional bucket to burst.
Wipe the tears.
You are your main source of support. So give yourself that moment of support.
Reach out. Talk to someone, ask for help, find new friends, read my book, whatever you need to do just do it.
You are too important to be hiding.
Too remarkable to continue feeling unseen.
I see you - and it's time the world does too - because you my friend, are here for a reason and your light needs to shine bright.
You are fabulous